


Looking back to the future

by Ajalea



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam (mention) - Freeform, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, Hints at Sheith, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kuron (mention), Matt Holt (mention) - Freeform, Mild Hurt/Comfort, One Shot, Pining Keith (Voltron), S7 Ep1 Spoilers, Samuel Holt (mention), Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Shiro and Keith work out some issues, That's basically the whole plot, i took some liberties with canon info, it may seem i'm hating a bit on lance but i promise that wasn't my intention i'm sorry, keith's pov, please don't read it if you haven't read spoilers/haven't seen it yet, romelle doesn't have much input oops, this is definitely post s7 ep1 btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-17 15:45:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15464742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ajalea/pseuds/Ajalea
Summary: the long(er) summary: The Paladins of Voltron are returning to Earth, in the hopes of building a new Castle of Lions. They fear the Galra will retaliate for the defeat of their new emperor and attack Earth, so they're in a great hurry. But Shiro is struggling and the team can't help him, not if he doesn't let them.In short: Keith and Shiro have issues and they talk things out (with each other and others)





	Looking back to the future

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, I read the spoilers for S7 Ep1 and I knew I needed to do something with it, preferably before the new season aired, and this is the result! Please keep in mind that I've taken/had to take some artistic liberties, so it might not fit 100% to everything canon. I really loved writing this, so I really hope you'll have fun reading it. I hope I did everyone justice. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The first few days after Shiro’s _literally_ magical recovery, everything was quiet. Keith knew everyone had their questions for Shiro, but the man kept to himself as much as he could, only saying a simple “thanks” whenever someone did something for him and sometimes made small talk. Keith hated it. He wanted to talk to Shiro so badly, ask him if he could help in any way, but je decided it was better if Shiro came to him first, or any one of them. Anything. Keith could be patient, he had been away years after all, surely he could wait a little longer for some things to be revealed.

For now, everyone was gathered around a campfire Hunk had made, on which an alien wolf-like creature was being cooked. Keith’s own cosmic wolf didn’t look amused at the sight of it, but still grabbed his piece when Hunk offered it. After Allura had revived Shiro and everything had been calm for a moment, Lance had asked Keith what his cosmic wolf was named. Keith had panicked and said Yorak. Krolia showed her silent approval by giving Keith the thumbs-up while smiling proudly. Keith beamed back.

Hunk’s voice right next to him pulled him from his thoughts. “Hey Pidge, did you ask Matt to come with us?”

Pidge looked up from her own piece of wolf meat. “I did,” she said as she started counting things on her fingers, “but we decided that since we have a tiringly long flight ahead, we only have five cramped lions so there’s limited movement, the fight against the Galra isn’t over yet for neither him or us and because he was two and a half solar systems away, it’s too much trouble for him to tag along.” She grinned. “I did promise him I’ll tell Mom he’s okay though, maybe give her a hug too, so everything’s cool.”

Hunk stared up at the stars. “I never thought we would go back to Earth, not so fast anyway.”

“Fast?” Lance grimaced. “We’ve been gone for, what? One and a half years?”

“One year, nine months and three days. Give or take roughly two years for Keith and about a year for Shiro.” Pidge didn’t even look up from her tablet screen.

“Yeah, but it’s not like the Galra are defeated yet. There is still so much work to do, saving planets and all.” Hunk sounded worried they weren’t doing enough saving at the moment. Without the Castle, they couldn’t do much though.

Lance ignored their comments. “The Garrison must think we’re dead by now and even if they don’t, it will take weeks if not months before we get back and Earth could be destroyed by then.” Lance had suggested a few days earlier that the Galra wanted revenge for the defeat of their Emperor. Krolia had agreed that it seemed likely they would and there was a chance they would attack Earth.

Keith wanted to say something to counter Lance’s pessimism, but even in his head it didn’t sound as positive as he would have liked it, so he kept quiet, too tired to start a fight. Shiro would have been proud of him if he knew Keith was holding back arguing with people.

_Shiro…_

Keith looked at him over the fire. Shiro was staring into the flames, space goo and wolf meat forgotten on the plate in his hands. If Shiro wasn’t going go talk soon, Keith might have to push Shiro to tell him his thoughts and he knew neither would like that. Maybe it was necessary, just maybe.

They set up camp after dinner. It was rather warm on this planet, so they set up away from the campfire. Keith saw Shiro trailing by the Black Lion, where nothing of their ‘camping’ gear was stored. He looked to be waiting for something or someone. Keith couldn’t think of anyone needing to be near the Black Lion except for him, so he took it as a sign and approached Shiro. “Are you alright?”

Shiro remained awfully quiet, not even meeting Keith’s eyes.

“Shiro?” Keith let the worry show on his face. Maybe that would help. “Even if you’re not alright, that’s fine. You’ve been through so much and no one expects you to be okay with it. When we get back on Earth, you’ll be able to get all the help you need to cope with it.”

“Don’t you mean they’ll probably lock me up in a madhouse?” Shiro frowned.

“Those things technically don’t exist anymore, you know.”

“Then they’ll create one just for us. Do you really think people, even in the Garrison, will believe everything we’ve been through? Like the fight for the Balmera, or Olkarion, or how you’ve magically aged two years? They must think we’re crazy. Remember what happened the last time I went back to Earth?”

“Remember we’re bringing four and a half aliens with us, and a space wolf,” Keith countered. “If that doesn’t prove them we’re telling the truth, they must at least believe Pidge’s dad. To the Garrison, he’s more credible than all of us together, I bet.”

Shiro had a weird look in his eyes, until it disappeared seconds later. “I forgot about Sam for a moment. How could I forget about him?”

Keith took Shiro back to the campfire, so they could both sit down. Shiro wasn’t exactly steady on his feet at the moment. “Shiro, _what’s wrong?_ You’re acting really weird.” Keith ignored all the other questions raging through his head.

 “What if,” Shiro started, “what if I don’t want to go back to Earth?” Shiro looked – and sounded – pained. “What if I’m afraid of what I might find there?”

Keith frowned. “Why wouldn’t you want to go back? Don’t you want to see Adam, to name something? To check and see if he’s okay? Why would you be afraid?”

How Shiro could look even more tortured, Keith didn’t know. “Adam and I… We had a fight just before I left on the Kerberos mission.” His smile had only sadness in it. “I never got to make things right with him. And when I escaped from the Galra, there was no time between me crashing down and you rescuing me, so I never got the chance to talk to him. After that it’s been only space for me.”

Keith’s heart nearly stopped. “You had a fight? About what?”

“Adam agreed with Iverson and the rest that it was too dangerous for me to go on the mission. When I refused to stay he gave me an ultimatum: I had to choose either him or the mission. I chose the mission.” Shiro rubbed his eyes as if he would wipe all the grief that was in them away. It didn’t work.

Keith didn’t know what to say. “He never told me,” he said after a silence that stretched on for agonizingly long seconds. “He almost seemed unchanged after you left, unless you knew where to look for cracks, of course. I think it ate him up from the inside, knowing that you were somewhere far away without him.” He frowned. “Or maybe he regretted what he said and that’s what’s been hurting him. I don’t know for sure.”

“He said – Adam said that he wasn’t going to wait for me to come back. If we’ve really been away as long as Pidge said, he must have moved on by now.”

“Shiro, look at me.” When Shiro stubbornly kept staring at the fire, Keith put his face in Shiro’s line of sight. Shiro tried to look away, but Keith wouldn’t have it and grabbed Shiro’s chin to keep him from looking away. “I said, look at me. Shiro, you are literally the strongest and kindest person I’ve ever met, and if Adam can’t see you embody perfection, he doesn’t deserve you.”

“How can you say that?” Shiro’s voice broke.

“About Adam or about you?”

Shiro whispered a soft “me”.

Keith’s face broke into a huge smile, showing all the love he had for Shiro. The feelings he had for Shiro weren’t even romantic or platonic, it was just _love_ and a deep sort of admiration. “Because you vouched for me to get me into the Garrison when no one else trusted me with even a piece of chalk. Because you had my back every time I got in trouble. You were the only person to believe I could be a good pilot. I know I wasn’t the only problem child you were taking care of; you tried to help everyone become a better version of themselves and they all looked up to you. They all want to be like you when they grow up.” Keith faltered, pushing back his bangs in a frustrated gesture. “You’re the best leader of Voltron we could have asked for. You’re the best friend anyone could ask for.”

The campfire was burning Keith’s back to ashes, so he sat back down next to Shiro. Shiro’s gaze didn’t follow. He was frowning, looking for answers to questions Keith didn’t know.

“I’m not sure I’m the leader of Voltron anymore. Things have changed now.”

“If you don’t think you can be our leader anymore, we’ll accept your resignation.” Keith saw Lance trying to get both him and Shiro back to moving gear, but Allura stopped him with a worried look in their direction. “I don’t know how you did it anyway. Unifying us, I mean. We were just a bunch of misfits, not meant to do great things. _You_ made it so that we could.”

Shiro’s cheeks pinkened slightly. “You give me way too much credit.”

“No, I don’t. You can ask any one of them and they’ll agree with me. From the moment we rescued you, you’ve taken up the roll as leader. You were our senior officer and I don’t think we realized the toll it would take on you, or the burden that rested on your shoulders. And I don’t mean just the leadership thing, but also you being sick and your fight with Adam. You handled it all on your own and now you don’t have to do that anymore. You’re more important as our friend than as our leader. Period.”

“It feels like I wasn’t that good of a leader to you. I made mistakes I shouldn’t have made and that brought us into trouble more often than not.”

“You realize that’s not your fault, right? We all had to work with what we had, and it was hard on all of us. Besides, the Black Lion chose you as our leader too, so it’s not like your instinct was wrong. Black’s instinct wasn’t wrong either.”

“Like I said, you put way too much faith in me.”

Keith pulled up an eyebrow. “Actually, you said I gave you too much credit, but I’ll let it slide. The point is that you can depend on us, no matter what. I want you to believe those words, because they are a promise we will keep.”

“I believe you.” Shiro smiled a little. “If I tell you something now, do you promise not to talk about it with the other until they know it too?”

Keith tensed. So Shiro was ready to open up to them. “Of course. You know that.” He didn’t let his worry sound in his voice.

“I do.”

Keith prepared himself for the worst, knowing that Shiro’s story wasn’t going to be a happy one. He could only guess what Shiro was going to say and nothing he came up with sounded any good.  

“I…” Shiro started, but he didn’t finish his sentence.

Keith grabbed his shoulder in silent comfort, he knew Shiro could need it.

Shiro tried again. “I knew I was sick and I remember feeling worse and worse when I was in captivity.” He made a fist. “I believe they amputated my arm because the muscles had deteriorated so much it wasn’t salvageable anymore. Then I could suddenly escape and return back to Earth.”

“How did you get back anyway? I don’t think the Galra has the coordinates of Earth.” Keith interrupted.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Ulaz got them from your mother, but I’m not sure. I never wondered about it until now actually.” Shiro produced a quick smile, unbothered by Keith’s comment.

Keith blinked. “Now that you mention it, that does sound pretty likely. We should ask her about it sometime.”

Shiro nodded and frowned, going back to where he left off. “I was back on Earth and a day later I was back in space again, this time with you guys and I could just… feel myself getting weaker every day. I knew I was going to die, but I wanted to do something meaningful before my death.”

Keith sputtered, but Shiro waved it away. “We both knew what was going to happen if I didn’t take my medication regularly and the Castle of Lions didn’t exactly carry what I specifically needed.”

“What about the healing pods?”

“You’ve never been inside of those, but let me tell you that those things aren’t exactly pleasant. It’s like you’re dreaming, but you know you’re dreaming and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Besides, I could hardly tell Allura and Coran what was going on and they would have benched me the second I told them.” Shiro looked past the fire at the lions. “We wouldn’t have been to form Voltron and Zarkon wouldn’t have been defeated. It was a sacrifice I was willing to make.”

Keith felt Shiro’s hurt in his own soul. He wanted to take all the pain away from his friend, so the burden would feel at the least a little lighter. Only Shiro wasn’t done yet with his story, even though Keith wanted it to end so badly.

“With every day that passed I could only think ‘I won’t die today, we’re not done yet’ and like that, I held on to life, just like I held on to you guys.” With that, Shiro looked at Keith from the corner of his eye. Their eyes met.

“Glad to be of help, I guess.” Keith shrugged. “What happened after we defeated Zarkon?” He asked, though he knew the answer already.

Shiro looked away again. “I gave up the fight.”

“You had accomplished your goal,” Keith said softly. His fingers wrapped a little tighter around Shiro’s shoulder. “We defeated Zarkon, and that was enough for you.”

Shiro gave a nod. “The Black Lion somehow figured out what was going on and saved me, making my body disappear in the process. Not sure how she did that though.”

“We looked for you afterwards. We searched through the rubble as many times as we could between new missions, hoping we would find you unharmed in an escape capsule or something. It took Coran weeks to convince me you were really gone, and even then, I couldn’t completely accept it. I don’t think I did until the Black Lion found you – or who we thought was you.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”  Shiro let his head hang.

Keith’s hand slid to Shiro’s neck, giving it a good squeeze. “What are you talking about? Why would you feel sorry for that? It wasn’t your fault.”

“Me dying wasn’t my fault, huh,” Shiro laughed. “Interesting theory.”

“I don’t blame you for it, no one does, even though they don’t know the details. _I_ know all the details now and I am completely sure that there was nothing you could have done.”

“You haven’t told them I was sick?” Shiro sounded surprised.

Keith shrugged again. “I figured it either didn’t matter anymore or you’d come back and explain the situation yourself. When you… When your clone returned to us, he was physically fine, only malnourished. Coran didn’t exactly scan for any health issues, since your clone insisted he was fine. He didn’t give me any reason to worry about you, so I didn’t. And since I didn’t know how sick you were before you disappeared, I might have been afraid to broach the subject when we found your clone.”

“Now that you mention it, I’ve been keeping track of all the pains in my body, and somehow muscle deterioration doesn’t feel like one of them.” Shiro stretched his arm. “I know precisely how that feels and it’s not there. Or _here_ , I suppose.”

“Do you want to make a quick trip to Olkarion? They probably have scanners that can confirm you’re healthy. Or maybe they can help you if you’re still sick. Their technology is more advanced than ours after all.” Keith suggested, knowing they both would sleep better with those results.

“I don’t want to inconvenience the rest of the team. I know Lance and Hunk are dying to go home; they’ve been like that ever since we left Earth. And it’s not like we’re going on holiday. Our home is very likely in danger and we need all the time we can get to prepare for an enemy attack.”

Keith grimaced at Shiro’s use of the word ‘dying’. It would take him a long time to get used to Shiro casually talking about death. “You’re right, as always.”

“Not always,” Shiro said with a smile, "but I try.”

Keith would have smacked Shiro on the head if it wouldn’t ruin the moment they were having together. Instead, Shiro seemed to do it for him.

He stood. “Listen, it’s late, I think, and I’m really tired from traveling all day, and I think the others are done setting up camp by now. I also think they should hear the rest of the story too. Or maybe the whole thing,” Shiro said. “Do you mind if I sleep in the Black Lion tonight? I have gotten used to her presence over the past months.”

“I think they’d appreciate that,” Keith muttered in response. “And of course, I’ll camp with the rest.”

Shiro started for the Black Lion but stopped and turned. “Hey, Keith?”

Keith looked at him, but remained silent as he waited for Shiro to continue.

“Thank you for not giving up on me.”

“I will never give up on you, Shiro.” Keith said it with all the certainty he could muster.

Shiro’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I know. Goodnight, Keith.”

“Goodnight, Shiro.”

Keith stayed where he was as Shiro went inside the Black Lion, watching the embers cool until all the red had disappeared, fading into black. The others had long gone to sleep, but Keith didn’t care. He sat like this for a long while, until this planet’s sun was about to come up and he would get questions if he didn’t at least act like he had been sleeping.

When Keith woke up two hours later, everyone else was almost ready to go. He looked for the pain Shiro had shown the night before, but none of it was there. There was just an emptiness that was there most of the time these days.

Coran divided everyone and decided Romelle should travel with Allura, Krolia with Hunk – apparently Hunk wanted to know more about the history of the Galra, Shiro would travel with Pidge, Keith would have his wolf for company and Coran would go with Lance. To make it work, Hunk and Keith heaved some boxes over to the Black Lion, so Krolia would fit comfortably.

They split up to go to their assigned Lions, though Keith stayed behind. Shiro noticed and promised Pidge he would join her in a minute. Pidge merely shrugged but didn’t wait for him.

“When are you going to tell the rest? If you’re going to tell them.” Keith didn’t have to ask what Shiro was going to talk about, there was only one logical subject.

Shiro look after Pidge. “Soon. I wonder if I should tell Pidge my health never endangered her father and brother while we were on the Kerberos mission.”

“You know I can’t give you the right answer for that.”

“Maybe because there isn’t one.”

Keith didn’t know how to answer that.

“Still, what do you think?”

“I think you should. Pidge’s family is important to her, so she’ll probably appreciate it if you tell her about it first instead of at the same time with the others. It’s good timing you’re traveling in the Green Lion today.”

Shiro sighed. “I’ll think about telling Pidge. It might be that I’ll tell the rest the next time we stop on a planet to sleep, okay? And you, of course.”

“We’ll wait until you’re ready.”

“I’m afraid that if you do that you’ll never hear the rest.”

“I’d be okay with that.”

Shiro saw right through the lie. “No, you won’t be.”

 _No, he wasn’t_ , but Shiro’s health was way more important than his own curiosity or his own importance to Shiro _._ “I’ll take whatever you want to give me, you don’t need to worry about me.”

“I’ll always worry about you.” Shiro ruffled Keith’s hair until it looked wild and with that, he went to meet up with Pidge in the Green Lion.

During their travel, Keith absentmindedly listened to Hunk and Krolia discussing Galran history. Apparently Krolia knew a lot about her kind’s history, more than Keith would have thought she knew. Keith refuses to think it was part of his history too. Even after almost three years of knowing he was half Galra, Keith refused to believe he shared DNA with Zarkon and Lotor. Only his mother was important to him, and the Blade of Marmora. Nothing else.

Meanwhile Lance tried to tell Coran about all the wonders they had on Earth. It turned out that all weather phenomena were unfamiliar to the Altean and the seas on Altea had been too dangerous to swim in, something Lance found unbelievable. Keith silently agreed with Lance, something he would rather not share with him. Coran explained that the Altean seas had been filled with dangerous animals, but that they could swim in the lakes.

Allura and Romelle were talking about some girl stuff, something Keith wasn’t particularly interested in. Krolia had taught him enough about that on their two-year mission together and if he could help it, he never would hear anything about it ever again.

Keith switched to Pidge’s channel instead, which was strangely quiet. She had turned it off. He tried Shiro’s next. Nothing. Keith wasn’t sure how to interpret the silence. It wasn’t like they had a rule to keep comms always open and they could be having a private conversation only meant for their ears, but it still bothered him. Keith partially blamed Shiro’s words. The best-case scenario would be Shiro talking to Pidge about his health problems and Keith hoped with all his heart that was what was happening right now.

He contemplated asking the other Lions if they were able to contact the Green Lion. Keith didn’t though, waiting it out sounded like the better option. Besides, they were all tired and easily irritated and Keith wasn’t looking for a fight with anyone.

“Do you think Shiro and Pidge are okay?” Keith asked Yorak.

Yorak tilted his head in answer, not knowing what the hell Keith was talking about.

Instead of worrying about the Green Lion some more, Keith switched back to listening to Lance and Coran talking about Earth stuff again, tuning most else out. Yorak put his head in Keith’s lap and Keith buried the fingers of one hand in Yorak’s fur. Since they were going straight forward, he didn’t particularly need to steer Black anyway. The only thing in front of him was the vastness of space filled with sparkling stars spread out. It was beautiful, but it was also extremely boring. Without meaning to, Keith closed his eyes and fell asleep.

He was startled awake from his nap when Yorak poked his nose at him from his other side. Keith figured he must have teleported and didn’t pay much attention to it. That is, until Yorak nudged him again, this time more aggressively. Only then Keith noticed the piece of paper Yorak was gently holding in his mouth.

“What do you have here, buddy?” Keith asked as he retrieved it from Yorak. Upon examination, it had eight words written on it in Shiro’s handwriting.

_We had a talk and we’re both okay_

Keith let out a sigh of relief. Somehow Yorak had read his mind (or had understood his words) and had checked up on Shiro and Pidge. And Shiro had figured out Keith was worried about them and had written that note for Yorak to bring back to Keith.

“You’re the best.” Keith scratched Yorak’s head until he lied down at Keith’s feet. “Next time we get fresh food, you’ll get extra,” he promised him.

Yorak seemed happy to hear that, even though he shouldn’t have been able to understand Keith’s words. There was still much to learn about the wolf species.

“I’ll stop worrying about them for real this time,” Keith told Yorak and himself.

Yorak promptly fell asleep. Keith took that as a sign to focus on other things. He checked how long they had been flying, which turned out not that long. He needed something to distract himself, so he wouldn’t fall asleep again.

“Hey, Lance?” He spoke in his comm.

Lance broke off his explanation about the concept of fastfood chains to answer him. “What is it, team leader?”

Keith rolled his eyes at the nickname, but ignored it otherwise. “What are you looking forward most when we come back to Earth?”

Lance didn’t skip a beat answering. “I really want to see my family again. I’m sure Pidge’s dad has returned by now, so they know I’m okay, but I want to see for myself that they’re okay too. I mean, what if something happened to them while we were gone? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“They will be fine,” Keith assured him, “if they’re family of yours they’ll be fine.”

Lance was quiet for a second. “Wow, Keith, I think that’s the nicest thing you ever said to me.”

“Yeah well, don’t get too used to it.” Keith huffed. “What next?”

“After I make sure my family’s okay, I want them to see my Lion and maybe take them for a ride. And then I want to take a long swim in the ocean. I long to feel the salt dry on my skin in the summer sun. After that, when the Castle is up and running, I’ll be ready to go on missions again.”

“Sounds nice.”

“What about you?” Coran butted in.

“Hey! I was going to ask him that,” Lance whispered a little too loud.

Keith thought about it. “I haven’t decided yet. I think Krolia – Mom – will want to visit Dad’s grave and after that, I don’t know.”

“You’re always welcome to stay with us, if you’d like.” Lance’s offer sounded genuine, though Keith doubted his family would react well to an alien and a half alien with a space wolf as a pet joining their household for a while.

“Can I think about it? I need to talk about it with Krolia too.” Keith would rather say no right away.

“Yeah sure, we’re in no hurry.”

“Coran, what will you and Allura do?” Keith asked.

“Shiro thinks we can stay at the Garrison while we’re building the new Castle of Lions. Allura is planning on asking Romelle to stay with us, because she rather appreciates the female companionship. No offense to Pidge of course,” Coran added hastily.

“Don’t worry, none taken.” Pidge butted in.

“Since when have you been listening?” Lance asked, sounding shocked.

“Only the last part. Like I said, don’t worry about it.” Pidge remained vague about how much she had heard.

“What are your plans?”

“Go home to Mom, give her a big hug and apologize for disappearing on her after losing Matt and Dad,” she said matter-of-factly. “Then I think I’m going to help Dad, Coran and Allura with building the Castle. Hunk and I are one of the best people to work on it, since we helped fix it during our time there.”

Coran agreed. “Yes, you’ll both be tremendous helps. Thank you in advance.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Hunk – probably unknowingly – repeated Pidge’s words. “It’s our job to fix things. Building a new Castle of Lions almost sounds easy.”

“Yeah, if you don’t count the cost of materials, actually getting those materials, having a site where we can build the new Castle, it’s easy.” Pidge was not amused.

“Pidge, how’s Shiro?” Lance must have tested Shiro’s comm to know for sure he wasn’t listening in on them.

“He’s fine, I think. He’s currently somewhere in the back resting.” Pidge paused for a moment. “We talked for a bit and it tired him out.” Pidge herself sounded weary too.

“Let him rest for now,” Keith said to the rest, “if he wants to talk to us, he will.”

“That wasn’t exactly what I said, but you’re right. We’ll just need to have patience if we want Shiro to open up to us.” Pidge agreed. Keith applauded her ability to keep the contents of their conversation a secret.  

“Can’t we ask him what happened?”

“No, Lance, if we do that, he might close himself off for people forever. Then nobody can help him, and he’ll be on his own,” Pidge reminded him. “He won’t survive on his own.”

“We’ll have to be here to listen if he wants us to and before that we only have to be here.” Keith really wanted this conversation to be over.

Apparently, Pidge thought the same thing. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, all we can do is wait.”

Lance couldn’t argue with that and after a quiet minute, Coran asked Lance a dumb question about bowling. Lance jumped at the obvious chance to change topics and happily began talking about his adventures in a bowling alley when he was a child.

Keith stopped listening after about ten seconds. He looked at Yorak, who stared back at him. “Do you want to annoy Shiro for a while?” He wanted some time to think with no one and nothing to disturb him. Yorak, who had taken a liking to Shiro, disappeared silently with a mischievous glint in his eyes, leaving Keith alone with his thoughts.

It took them a long time to fly to a new habitable planet to rest. After a visit to a planet with a toxic atmosphere, where they had to stay inside their Lions as much as possible, they had collectively decided that was a no-go. Another thing was that they weren’t equipped for harsh winters, so cold climates were out of the question too. They planets they would rest on should be near their route, so they wouldn’t deviate too much, and it had to have breathable air.

It took them a few minutes to stretch their legs and set up camp for the night. Keith was glad they had landed on the night side, since he could definitely use all the sleep he could get. He helped light a campfire before plopping down next to it, along with Yorak.

Allura threw him a weird glance when she and Lance returned with dinner. Keith ignored it though. He wanted to ask Shiro if he was okay, but he was talking to Krolia and Hunk and Keith didn’t want to interrupt.

They ate in silence, even Lance was quiet for a few minutes. Keith wanted to appreciate the quiet, but it mostly felt awkward. Krolia sat between Keith and Romelle, and finally turned to Keith.

“Can I talk to you for a minute when we’re done eating?”

Keith nodded. He wasn’t all that concerned, even when Hunk frowned. Considering that Hunk was the one worried, it had probably something to do with the Galra or something else he and Krolia had talked about.

With dinner finished and everyone watching them, Keith had no option but to follow his mother to the edge of a tropical looking forest.

“What is it you wanted go talk about?” Keith asked the moment they were out of earshot.

Krolia watched the people around the fire. “Your friend and I had a very fun conversation while we were traveling.”

“I know,” Keith nodded, “I listened to you two talk for a few minutes. It sounded like Hunk really knew what he was talking about. I never knew he knew so much about Galran history.”

“It seems he acquired all his knowledge when we were on our mission, so you hardly could have known. He said Dayak taught him the ways of the Galra. I must say he learned much from her.” Krolia laughed.

Keith was only confused. “Why is that so funny? Who is Dayak?”

“Dayak was the governess of Prince Lotor. Apparently, he took your friends to the main ship right after he was crowned emperor. While the others were doing their own thing, Hunk learned our ways the same way Lotor once did.”

Keith didn’t want to think whether Krolia meant the two of them when she said ‘our ways’ or Galra in general. “Governess as in nanny? Oh, I wish I could have seen that.” Keith could easily imagine a Galran lady teaching a child Lotor about being an emperor.

“I think you’ll have to do with stories, since it’s not very likely you’ll ever meet her now, after you defeated Lotor,” Krolia joked.

“I’ll ask Hunk about it later. It sounds like a fun story.”

“You should, if you’re ready for a lot of complains about the Galran way for the first ten minutes.” Krolia’s smile disappeared. “But that’s not what I wanted to talk about. What are you planning to do once we know for sure the Earth is safe and the Castle is built?”

Keith shrugged. “Shiro hasn’t tried piloting the Black Lion yet, and if he can’t then I’m the only one who can. Even if the rest decides to stay on Earth, which I strongly doubt – except Allura of course – it won’t be easy replacing the Paladins of Voltron. Besides,” he looked away from Krolia as he said it, “I have all the people I care about right here, so where would I go? And I’m sure there will always be a planet that needs help, so at least I won’t ever be out of a job.” He side-eyed his mother. “Why do you ask?”

“Even with the death of Zarkon and Lotor’s defeat, the universe needs to be saved from the Galran oppression, so I was thinking of returning to the Blade of Marmora when everything on Earth is settled and dealt with. The Garrison probably isn’t very keen on letting an alien stay on Earth anyway, even with their knowledge. Anywhere I would go I would treated like an exotic animal. I’d rather live my life fighting. If you want, I could give you a device, so we can always reach each other when needed. Only if you want it,” Krolia stumbled on her words a bit.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” Keith would gladly take her up on her offer. “You’re my mother.”

“That doesn’t have to mean anything. I abandoned you before you could remember me.” Krolia reminded him.

“Yeah, to save me and Dad, along with the rest of the Earth,” Keith countered. “I will never blame you for keeping us safe and leaving, not anymore. I understand family isn’t always connected to blood, but in our case, it is.”

Krolia clasped an arm around his shoulder, smiling sadly. “Your father would be so proud of you.”

“Of course you’d say that, you’re my mother.”

“No, I say it because it’s true. You’re the best son I could have wished for.”

If Keith didn’t know any better, he would have sworn he blushed hearing that. “Thank you. I’d like to think he would be proud of you too.”

Krolia merely smiled as she looked him over. “You should ask Hunk to explain Galran religion to you sometime, I think you’ll like it.”

“Why?”

“I think you’ll be particularly interested in our death rituals. Galra who are religious believe that those who have passed away stay with us through our actions, meaning your father never truly left you. And neither will I.” Krolia said it so proudly, it made Keith almost instantly a believer.

“You make it sound like you’re going to die soon.”

“I sure hope not. I’ve known you for a barely two years and I really want to see you live for a long time after tomorrow.”

“Now you just sound creepy.” Keith laughed when Krolia ruffled his hair as if he were still a child. It lightened the mood between them considerably. “I will ask Hunk about it sometime, okay?”

“Okay.”

They stood there for a moment, enjoying each other’s company, before going back to the campfire. Keith gave Yorak his promised extra piece of meat (which he hungrily ate) and slowly but surely, everyone loosened up a bit, talking to each other in relaxed voices, until they went to sleep.

Three days later, just before they were going to land on a new planet, Yorak played mailman again for Shiro and Keith. Three words were written on the note.

_Are you ready?_

Keith braced himself for what Shiro was going to do. Shiro could only mean one thing and even after everything Keith wasn’t sure he was ready. He didn’t tell Shiro that though, and with some extravagant promise, Yorak let himself be bribed in taking Keith’s _yes_ back to Shiro.

“Guys, I have something important to say.” Shiro looked as nervous as Keith felt. He looked at Keith in support, who nodded.

Everyone’s attention immediately turned to him, which didn’t make things better.

“Let’s sit down first, shall we?” Coran suggested.

Shiro looked like a deer in headlights. “Yeah, sure.”

Hunk and Allura dropped what they were holding and they all gathered in front of Shiro. Keith sat at the back, not wanting others to see any expression he was likely to show on his face.

Although everyone was hungry and tired, no one complained. They each understood the importance of Shiro opening up to them.

Pidge wasn’t looking at anyone. She was staring at her hands like she knew what was coming. Keith guessed she did know and she didn’t like what Shiro was about to say. Keith wondered how much Shiro would repeat from his conversation with him.

Shiro stared at the crew and the crew stared back. “I don’t know where to start.” He laughed nervously.

“What happened after our fight with Zarkon, when you disappeared? Where did you go?” Lance went straight to the point.

Shiro surely had hoped he could ease into it the first few questions before the real challenge started. No luck. “If I tell you that, I need to explain something else first.” Shiro looked so sad it physically hurt Keith to look at him. “Not long after I arrived at the Garrison, I found out I was sick. It wasn’t like a normal cold, I was terminally ill.”

The ones who didn’t know recoiled in shock. Lance opened his mouth to say something, but Shiro silenced him with a hand.

“I’ll take questions later, okay?”

Lance mumbled a confirmation and Shiro continued.

“The doctors said my muscles were slowly deteriorating and I had to take medication to slow it down, along with doing physical therapy and daily exercises. Despite my condition, I was good at what I did, and I graduated with honors.” Shiro clenched his hand. “I was one of the possible candidates to go on the Kerberos mission and I never could have hoped I would be the one to go. But they picked me. Commander Iverson heavily protested the pick, along with some other board members, but Sam insisted he only wanted the best. And that was me.”

Keith envied the way Shiro could say things like that without being arrogant. Unfortunately for him, Shiro didn’t wait for Keith’s thoughts to catch up.

“Before we left, I had to promise Matt and Sam that my condition wouldn’t influence the mission and that I would get them home safely. I was sure of it and Sam handled the rest. And so we left.”

“Did you know about this?” Hunk asked Pidge, interrupting Shiro despite his request. “Since it’s about your dad and brother.”

“No, I didn’t, and I think neither did Mom. And if she doesn’t, I don’t plan on telling her when we get back. She already had enough to worry about, especially now.” Pidge was still looking at the ground.

“Almost no one knew,” Shiro said, coming to Pidge’s aid. “Only the board, my doctors, Sam and Matt knew.” Shiro looked at Keith. “The only two other people who knew were my partner and Keith.”

Lance turned to Keith. “You knew about this? Why didn’t you say something?”

Keith scowled. “What was I supposed to say? That Shiro was dying and shouldn’t pilot the Black Lion? We needed him.” Keith met Shiro’s eyes. “We still do.”

Shiro smiled at him briefly. “I didn’t have my medication after we were taken by the Galra and eventually, the muscles in my right arm had gotten so bad they had to amputate it.” The stump of his right arm moved as if Shiro was trying to clasp his hands. “In a way that saved me. It made me stronger and I was able to stay alive until Ulaz let me escape. In that same way, Sam’s decision saved my life too and I’m so extremely grateful to him.”

Romelle stood. She looked uncomfortable listening to what was basically the life story of someone she barely knew. Keith didn’t blame her. “I’m going for a walk, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Shiro reassured her. “Do you want someone to come along?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” she assured him, “I think the rest ought to hear what you have to say.” She walked away, not waiting for a reaction.  

Keith didn’t like the sound of that and sent Yorak after her. Romelle seemed surprised but didn’t send him away. That was enough for the moment.

Shiro was satisfied enough to return to his story. “I didn’t want to worry you guys, so I tried my very best not to give up the fight before we defeated Zarkon. By then, I hardly had the strength to keep my eyes open and when the fight was over, it was just… over for me too.”

Allura was holding her hands in front of her mouth. “Do you mean you died?”

Shiro nodded. “Somehow, the Black Lion saved me, making my body disappear in the process. I don’t know how she did that and it took me a long time to realize where I was. By the time I did, my clone had found his way to you and Keith was piloting the Black Lion. There was nothing I could do.”

“How could we not have realized?” Allura was horrified. Lance, who sat next to her, put a hand on her shoulder. She grabbed it with one of her own and held on tightly.

Shiro shrugged. “How could you have? He was a perfect copy of me, Haggar made sure of it.”

“All this time… All this time it wasn’t you?”

“It would have been me if the original me had stopped existing, which didn’t happen, so he stayed a copy. I’m sorry if it’s complicated,” Shiro apologized.

“Do you know what happened to clone Shiro? Since you’re in his body and everything.” Hunk asked, waving Shiro’s apology away completely.

“His name was Kuron, I believe,” Shiro said, “I think all the clones were named Kuron.”

“All? How many were there?”

Keith reacted before Shiro could. “I counted five on the platform where we stood, and I saw maybe a dozen more pods on a higher level,” he lied, hiding the scale of the facility. “As far as I know they were all occupied when we were there. And they were all destroyed in the explosion we caused.”

Shiro shot him a glance. “To get back to your question, Hunk, I do have most of his memories. It’s a little fuzzy still, but it’s all coming back to me, making some memories sort of double. Some feel like a déjà vu, but I’ll survive.”

“So the memories of your clone – Kuron – they aren’t lost?”

“No, they’re still here. As of now, I remember most of the conversations you’ve had with him.”

“And… Kuron? Is he still in there somewhere?” Lance stumbled on the words.

Shiro put his hand on his chest and looked down. “He’s here, but he’s slowly fading. I think he’s okay with me being here. Haggar doesn’t control him anymore, so it’s kind of like there are two me’s in the same body.”

“Can you let him know that he won’t be alone? When he disappears completely?” Allura asked, unsure of the right words.

Shiro smiled, the first genuine smile he showed after his resurrection. “He knows.”

Allura returned it. “We’re so glad you’re okay, Shiro.”

Shiro’s smile faltered slightly. “I’m not okay, not yet. I will be though, in time.”

“That’s all we could ask for,” Coran added his two cents.

“Anyone else have any questions?” Shiro already looked better now that he wasn’t carrying that burden on his shoulders anymore.

“Are you still sick?” Hunk asked. “Should we be worried about something?”

“Right now, my body feels healthy. I can’t say for sure until I’ve been examined when we’re back on Earth, but for now I see now reason to worry.”

Keith took in a sharp breath when the realization hit. That was a much better outcome than Shiro could have ever expected on Earth. Despite the given circumstances of Shiro being abused and forced to fight and literally not being in his own body anymore, he actually got something in return.

“I have a question for you. What’s up with the hair?” Pidge dared a smile of her own.

Shiro had to cross his eyes to see the white tuff in front of his forehead. “Not sure actually. Maybe I stress too much about you guys.”

That got him a few laughs. It was enough to break to tension that had been between everyone.

Shiro turned to Krolia. “I have a question of my own. Can you tell me how Ulaz had the coordinates to Earth? Was it you?”

“Yes. Ulaz knew I’d been on Earth and he also knew that was where you were from. He asked and I gave the coordinates, I didn’t ask any questions about why he needed them.”

Keith asked a question of his own, already knowing he was going to regret asking it. “Do you remember what you said to me at the cloning facility? Or what I said to you?” Shiro didn’t get to answer, because Keith suddenly stood, regretting his words even more than he thought he would. “You know what, never mind. I don’t think I want to know. It’s probably better if I don’t.” He walked away as Shiro called for him, leaving the other confused behind.

If Keith had cared enough, he would have seen Krolia whispering to Shiro, who then said something back. If he had cared enough, he would have seen Shiro scrambling up to go after him.

Keith didn’t though, so he was surprised to find Shiro panting behind him when he reached the edge of the forest.

“Why do you say you don’t care about what we said to each other at the cloning facility?” Shiro asked between breaths.

Keith considered really hard whether he could disappear into the ground rather than answer Shiro’s question. Sadly, it seemed rather impossible to do, so Keith had to walk the more difficult path. “I’m not sure I want you to remember.”

“Okay, I get that,” Shiro nodded in understanding, “but what will you do if I do remember?”

“Then I want you to forget.” Keith said it like a question. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

“Those should be my words, not yours, about forgetting what one of us said,” Shiro said. “Or Kuron’s actually, but he’s basically me so he counts as me, I suppose.”

Keith didn’t react to the lighthearted comment. “Kuron said what he said because he was being controlled by Haggar. I don’t blame him for that.”

“Did you know that Haggar wanted to break you? She believed that you trusted yourself to have the ability to save Kuron and she ordered him to break your resolve and you to pieces. What she didn’t do,” Shiro continued when Keith tried to speak, “was specify how to do that. Kuron brought you there to disguise the fact he wanted to destroy the facility.”

“How could he have wanted that if Haggar controlled him completely?”

“Some small part of Kuron’s mind tried to defy her, even when he knew he was done for.” Shiro smiled. “Because he loved you guys.”

Keith couldn’t help but protest. “He almost killed me!” From behind Shiro, heads turned to them. Keith didn’t care but did lower his voice. “If Kuron loved us – loved me – so much, why didn’t he tell us? Or at least the other Paladins?”

“At first he didn’t know. He was me and never questioned that. It’s the same as the fact no one else questioned him. We had no reason to believe the Galra were capable of cloning and neither did Kuron. We had no reason to believe they would clone _me_.”

Keith felt ashamed for his outburst. Of course it had been as simple as that. Despite it being so obvious, it was a little difficult to accept and Keith wanted to drop the subject, sparing himself more embarrassment. Shiro didn’t let him.

“Keith, about what you said-”

“That you’re my brother or that I loved you?” Keith asked with a snark. “Both are true, only maybe not together.” He didn’t dare look at Shiro when he said it.

Shiro forced Keith to look at him the same way Keith had days earlier. “I’ve known you ever since you were a kid, of course you’re very dear to me. In a way, I can say I love you too, but I haven’t yet quite figured on what level yet. For the longest time I’ve seen you as the little brother I never had.”

“You still see me as your little brother?”

Shiro let out a humorless laugh. “Oh no, we’re definitely past that. The truth is, I like having you around. Your presence keeps me from thinking of all the bad things that could go wrong and over the past few days, you’ve shown me how much you’ve grown as a person and as a leader.”

“But?” Keith asked, then added when Shiro’s looked confused, “there’s always a but.”

“But it’s not the same I felt for Adam and that weirds me out in a way I don’t understand. Not yet at least.”

Some of the iron coils his heart Keith didn’t know he had around relaxed hearing that. “I don’t want the feelings you have for Adam. Those are for him, not me. I want you to give me everything you feel for me, no matter what those feelings are.” He held Shiro’s face in his hands, in a way the others couldn’t see.

“Can I think about what you said?”

The coils got a little looser again. Thinking about it was not a no. “Of course you can, I’ll give you all the time you need.”

Shiro smiled. “Thank you.”

Keith let go of Shiro’s face and looked over his shoulder with a grin. “Now that I can speak you privately, can I ask you something? Something entirely different,” he added for clarity.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“I heard Coran and Lance talk about some sort of show they performed in? What’s all that about?” It had bothered Keith for several days already and he thought Shiro would give the straightest answer. He also hoped it would distract Shiro from his own problems, even for just a moment.

“You didn’t know about that? Coran had the Paladins act on a stage.”

Keith had trouble envisioning that. “Coran sat up a play with you as actors? When?”

“Shortly after your decision to focus more on missions for the Blade of Marmora. Coran made us reenact our fight against Zarkon.” Shiro laughed. “Allura had to play you to keep up appearances and Coran demanded she put on a grumpy face every time she had lines. It was beautiful.”

“I’m not grumpy all the time!”

“Don’t look at me like that, it was all Coran’s idea. The team had nothing to do with it.” Shiro quieted.

“What’s wrong, Shiro?”

Shiro glanced at the rest. Apparently Romelle had rejoined the team after her walk from a different side, as she was conversing with Lance and Hunk, gesturing wildly. Yorak had put himself at Allura’s feet, happily napping away it seemed. “I keep talking about the team as if I was there. I guess there currently really is no ‘I’ in this team.”

“You’re wrong. Maybe you weren’t part of this team for a while, but that doesn’t make you less of a team member. Do you think I’m a worse Paladin of Voltron, because I went on what was mostly a journey of self-discovery for two years before getting back?”

Shiro scrunched his face. “You know that’s different.”

Keith shot him a look. “Just because you’re feeling special, doesn’t mean you’ll get special treatment.”

Shiro laughed at that. “You definitely shouldn’t be working with kids with that attitude.”

“Like I’d want to work with kids.” Keith snorted.

“Fair enough.” Shiro smiled. “Let’s get back, shall we?”

They reached their circle of friends and Keith was smirking again. “Shiro told me something funny. It seems that you, Allura, can do a perfect impression of me.”

Allura gasped, looking at Shiro. “You promised you’d never tell him.”

Shiro threw his hands up in the air as if he was innocent. “Technically that was Kuron, not me.”

In response, Allura threw one of the leftover bones from dinner at him. Shiro ducked fast enough for the bone not to hit him. When it fell on the ground, Yorak’s ears moved to the sound, though he didn’t wake up.

“We should all do our parts!” Lance cheered. “I bet Krolia and Romelle haven’t seen it yet either. It will be like a private performance.”

“Oh yes, this will be fun.” Hunk said in a way that sounded like he didn’t really think it was going to be fun.

“What exactly are we talking about?” Romelle asked.

Shiro, patient as ever, explained what he had just said to Keith, this time in more detail. Romelle said she was excited to see it.

Lance and Hunk announced they were going to make some props and ran off.

Coran approached Shiro as Allura was readying herself to act once more. “Shiro, do you remember your lines?”

Everyone near Coran stopped in their tracks. In their enthusiasm, no one had thought about that.

Shiro saw their synchronized reaction and laughed. “I don’t remember having any lines. I was more a man of actions than of words, wasn’t I?”

Coran blinked, but then broke into a giant smile too. “Exactly! That’s the spirit!” He inched closer to Shiro. “And if you don’t remember something, just ask me and I’ll tell you, okay?”

“I’ll be fine,” Shiro assured him.

The play blew away the rest of the tension that had been brewing among them. Hunk and Pidge were laughing at some inside joke on their own while trying to keep a straight face and Allura was way too cheery to keep a straight grumpy face. She tried though, and Keith refused to admit he somehow indeed did see himself in the face Allura pulled.

By the time everyone was nearly asleep, it almost felt like things were as they had been. _Almost_ , but also a little better _._

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe the title should have been inversed hmm....
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr (orangelies) and on Twitter (chouwa_oto) :D 
> 
> Please let me know if you liked it by giving kudos/writing a comment! I'd love to hear your thoughts (or maybe S7 theories)!! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading~


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